My Paycheck is the Wood...

And my bank account is the wood chipper. This is the best way I can sum up my current spending habits, and my current ability with shaping my life with my money.

Could I take that wood and shape into into a work of art? Intentionally cut into into useful pieces and make some comfortable furniture on which to sit? Save up a bunch of the wood and make something larger, like a house?

Sure.

But currently, I don't.

I am 37 years old, and have about $21,000 in unsecured debt. This is not including my car payment or student loans. these add another $15,000 to the mix.

This has got to change.

I have not known how. Then, a few weeks ago, I heard about debtors anonymous for the first time in my life.

I attended my first meeting. Then went to my second. They recommend going to six meetings before committing involvement, just to make sure the program is right for you.

I know program is right for me. If it's not, I don't know what I am going to do.

But here's what i did, and I wonder if alcoholics do this before they finally decide they need to enter AA - I have been on a spending bender the last few weeks. I am getting all the last minute things I think I need, so that when they tell me I have to curb my spending, I can say, "Ok," without saying, "Well, yeah, but you try living without buying new organization pieces for my underwear drawer. You might be able to, but I can't!"

I literally just realized yesterday how much of a frenzy I had been in. I have not looked at my bank balance once in a week.

I need help. I know I do.

But it just doen't sound fun. Fiscal responsibility sounds like geeky territory, and i'll be out with my manager friends, who all get aroused at the shight of an excel spreadsheet. I don't want to be that person.

Or do I know?

This is what i do know: I have had experiences over the last few years where I learned a new skill, and when I learned it I practiced it and worked on it until it became easy to me. Will I be able to do that with my money. The bigger question is this: do I WANT to do that with my money?

thanks for listening. Another day