The Trainwreck Also Called My Financial Status

The New Year is upon us, and I am reassessing areas of my life. Just like everybody esle.

My money's a mess. There is no way around this.

I have to get help with it. I have a group I plan to start doing with with after the new year.

I have small side business ventures to work on. I also have things aroudn the house I want done as well. I don't know how to manage all of these items, and yet I feel like learning to get to all of them is critical for my success and for the next stage of my life, which starts with the toll of the midnight bells on New Years.

Here's a win: I was in Northern Wisconsin with my family the last couple days. My Dad had invited me, and even though I am in my 30s, whenever we do anything as a family, I have always felt, "Let Dad pay for me. That bastard owes me." For what, I don't know. General parental pain and suffering, I suppose.

This time, however, I had my own cash. I did not borrow any from my friend Mike. I used my own money; and it was exhilerating.

Money relates to my relationships, because you see, as long as my friend Mike helps me out financially, even though we are friends and not in a physical relationship, I feel obligated to him. Read: no dating anyone.

Which does make sense, right? I'd sound even shittier and more of a POS if I were dating other guys and receiving financial benefits from this guy.

So you see, the sooner I get financially on my feet, the sooner I can move on with my life. As I've mentioned before, and will mention again if for no other reason that to remind myself, I have been financially indpendent. I just got lucky, if you will, had someone who was willing to help, and have never let go. 2010 is the year I need to let go. I just want to let go slowly, instead of all at once.

Thanks for listening. Until next time.