DA

OK. Here it is.

I can't stand my job anymore. It takes me about 45 minutes to get there by train, I work an eight hour shift and get a one hour lunch ... combine all that, and I am wasting half of every day at this job that I no longer like. It used to be a fun job, a nice job that I enjoyed and felt paid me well. Now I feel like it's this giant drain on my energy. However, just to complete this picture of me being a complete whiney bastard, I have not searched for other jobs. So I'm just being a whiney, self-pitying bitch. Yesterday I called in sick.

Was I really sick? Um, sort of. I did spend Thursday night dry heaving and not being able to keep anything down. Was that still true Friday morning when it came time to get ready for work? Well, no. I still didn't feel well, and I've had other days when I've gone to work and just kind of quietly gotten sick in the bathroom and then gone back out onto the sales floor. But yesterday i just couldn't do it. I just could not drag myself into work.

So, I stay home. I call my boss and tell her I am sick and won't be coming in today. I feel like a kid when this happens, asking for permission. She says OK... but I could be in trouble. Yesterday was Friday. Thursday was my day off. I had also called in sick on Wednesday. This was for personal reasons.

If you are still reading by this point then you are more patient than I, cuz I would have said, this chick is a whiney, full of shit brat. And you'd be right. Something has to change. It seems that it needs to be me.

I stayed home and called in to a few Debtors Anonymous meetings. There were three yesterday, and my work schedule is random and I can't really schedule these into my day.

I think that's what frustrates me most about my job - I actually enjoy what I do, I just hate that I have no control over my schedule. Friends of mine can schedule long lunches or other things in with their work day. I have to be at work, sitting doing nothing if it's dead, but I have to be there. I hate this. I feel like such a child.

Anyway, this is about joining Debtor's Anonymous. I had gone to a couple meetings last fall, thought, oh, this is nice, but I really just need to get a paycheck ahead, I don't need all this hullaballoo. No. I need the hullaballoo. I am out of control. Something has got to change.

As I was listening to the meetings yesterday, they mentioned living on the edge financially. I am definitely doing that right now. In fact, calling in sick to work yesterday was living on the edge - I don't have enough sick time, and I still called off. What are they gonna do about it? I realized yesterday I was challenging them. And while I may not like my job, I'm not sure I really want to be fired from it. Or maybe I do. Maybe that's the only way I'll quit.

I'm not going to whine anymore about this today. Thanks for listening. The fact is, I need to get a DA sponsor. I feel like I need to get a sponsor to tell my employer not to fire me. Talk about being a little kid. I just realized all this as I wrote it, and I need to go absorb it. Again, thanks for listening. Until next time.